


Lip Balm

by Phoebejeebees



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, F/M, M/M, MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, Romance, after breakup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:16:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebejeebees/pseuds/Phoebejeebees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fanfic set after the break up, most likely will be frerard. Gerard is getting depressed again but Frank to the rescue! (superman music) It might get a little bit smutty but nothing too major, it depends how I'm feeling when I write it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Snap out of it

Gerards POV

I stared at the computer screen, like I had done multiple times in the last month or so. I had completly forgotten what day it was or how long it had been, it hurt too much to remember. I couldn't help but think we could have done it differently, gone out with a bang rather than ust a fizzle or a fade. I forced my sleepy eyes to focus on the short, cold paragraph that our producers had written for us as we couldn't bring ourselves to write it individually. It was brutal. We might as well have just said 'Sup guys, thanks for eveything but we're out.See ya.' It was hard to read, God knows what it would've been like for the hardcore fans.

I closed the laptop without pressing the off button, it was plugged in so it didn't really matter, and glanced at the clock. It read 4:13am. Holy shit. No wonder I was tired. Making my way into the bathroom, I tripped on one of Bandits little toy cars and ended up flying through the air, knocking a shelf down, and landing on my ass, cursing repeatedly throughout. I stood up, rubbing my bruised butt and squeezing my eyes shut when I heard a snap and felt a sharp pain in the bottom of my foot, then spent the next 46 seconds hopping around, trying to steady myself. My hand fell on the towel rail (thank God it wasn't turned on and hot) and i lent my back up against the wall, slowly sliding myself down to sit on the cold tiled floor. Noticing the amount of blood splattered on the pale blue tiles, I looked at my foot to see that it was bleeding a considerable amount. This fascinated me. For a while I let the warm liquid trickle down the underside of my foot into a small puddle that was forming next to me. It felt...good. Not fun or anything but strangely good. It helped me forget about some stuff for a while.

Snap out of it gerard.

I grabbed some tissue paper and wiped up the blood. The plasters were already on the floor as they were on the shelf that had fallen so I quickly grabbed one and winced as I carefully placed it over the small cut. I couldn't stay on the bathroom floor all night (I've tried it a couple of times, not a good idea. The neck doesn't seem to like it much) so I pushed myself up and started to rearrange the bathroom, otherwise Lyn-z would throw a fit if she got home from tour tomorrow to find the bathroom scattered all over the floor.

Jesus she has some weird shit in here. 'Anti-wrinkle cream' But she doesn't have any wrinkles! Who knows how much she has spent on this stuff. I just figured to leave it, roll my eyes dismissively and carry on cleaning. While I was gathering some more of her make up (I counted 7 lipsticks) I saw the item that was causing the stinging pain in the ball of my left foot. A light pink disposable razor that had been broken into mulitiple pieces under my body weight. I stood there, ust as mesmerised as I was with the blood, with the light from the fixture above my head reflecting off the smooth silve of the now released blade. The clock in the living room chimed five was what awoke me from my vivid imagination.

Seriously Gerard. Stop.

I quickly but carefully pucked up the now unusable razor and threw it's remains into the sink. The bathroom was now reasonably tidy so I limped into my unmade bed fully clothed and tired to sleep. Clearly my mind had different plans and instantly filled with thoughs of 'what ifs' and conversations that I would probably never have.

 

 

Notes  
Hey guys! Sooo what do ya think?? This is the first fanfic that I have ever written so sorry if it's bad :/ Let me know in the comments! I will try and update as soon as I can and I promise that I won't just leave it! (unless everyone thinks its bad) Any way, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!


	2. Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerards POV

Gerards POV

 

I tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning. I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, was I?

The digital alarm clock on the mahogany-colored bedside table beamed a bright green light which read 7:18am. It was early spring time so the sun had just stated to show over the horizon and through the window with the birds who were singing happily to alert people that it was time for them to wake up and get ready for work.

For those who had work.

My sleepy mind flickered over to what I had to do today. Bandit wouldn't want picking up from Mikeys until later this evening, she was staying over with him and his girlfriend, fiance, whatever she was, Sarah, for the weekend and Lyn-z should be home soon from her tour.

It looks like I have the house to my self until then.

Only two hours sleep...eugh. I sighed as my legs swung round and hung off the side of the bed. My sock covered feet quickly found the slippery surface of the wooden flooring as I pushed the screwed up blanket off my lap. I rested my elbows on my thighs and my face in my palms, just sitting there for a while, gathering my thoughts.

Thoughts gathered, I forced my body out of bed and into the kitchen. Like always, the first thing I need this morning, is coffee. Milky, sweet liquid filled the mug and I made my way into the lounge.

I sat on the couch without bothering to turn the TV on, there's nothing good on at this time of the morning anyway. While I was taking a long sip of coffee, my phone buzzed signaling a text message from Lyn-z.

'Hi sweetie, something has gone wrong with the van and it looks like I won't be home for a few days, I'll call you later because you're probably asleep, sorry if I woke you. Miss you! Give B a hug and a kiss from me when she gets back from Mikeys. Love you honey xxx  
Lyn-z xxx'

Without realizing it, I had sunk down in my seat. I texted her back saying that it was okay and I missed her too but what I didn't say was that I needed her today, that I needed her to hold me, tell me everything was going to be okay. What little sleep I did have was filled with nightmares, the terrors were back. Today was going to be a bad day. A really bad day. I could feel the dark hole opening up inside me again, I haven't felt it for eight or nine years but I knew what it was. I had been feeling like this for a few months now, but I chose to ignore it. Now it had been made worse by the break up and I couldn't just ignore it anymore. It's eating me from the inside-out. I had no energy, no drive to do anything anymore. I just sat there for what felt like hours.

I picked up my phone and clicked on the little bird icon, hoping that Twitter could make me feel at least a little better. My timeline opened and I scrolled up for a while, reading as I went. There were some from fans, asking questions about the band, about Lyn-z and Bandit, and some people just saying hi. What caught my eye was that someone had retweeted an instagram post from Frank. I could feel tears already in the brim of my eyes but I forced them back and clicked on the link. I was confused for a second when a burnt guitar appeared on my screen but it didn't take long for me to realize what it was. It was the guitar. The guitar that we used for the famous last words video.

All of a sudden, the memories came flooding back. I had flash backs of the band, the video and the black parade. Everything. The entire set went up in smoke for that video, including Bob. His leg was so badly burnt, that as soon as we had finished recording, he ran (limped) off set and went to get medical assistance. He had to go to hospital and we all stood by him until we knew he was going to be okay. He was freaking out for hours because he thought that it might have to be amputated. Now we don't even talk. We just had a stupid argument and now the jackass won't even acknowledge my existence.

Oh God.

What if that happens with me, Ray, Mikey, and Frank?! Ray's just fading away, not really wanting to do anything, Mikey will be off with Sarah, and Frank... Frank will be with his new band. No. He can't be in a new band.

But he is.

Deathspells.

I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks as I think about it. Frank in a new band. Singing. Going to interviews, concerts, practices, maybe even award ceremonies, without us. I've dropped my phone on the floor and I'm sobbing now, properly sobbing. My palms are pressed into my eyes as if that would make it all go away. It looked like a tiny fireworks display. Then I realized that I had slid off the couch and onto the floor, with my knees up against my chest and my back resting up against the deep purple leather of the couch. I moved my hands from my face and wrapped my arms around my legs, burying my face in the crack between my knees. I was crying so hard now that I was gasping for air. My own tears were suffocating me.

Maybe it was for the best.

I don't even know why I was crying this much. He was moving on, the band was over, he had a right to have another option. But I still felt something...betrayal? I guess I think he should be sitting on his lounge floor sobbing as well, not touring with someone else, at least not this soon.

I was really struggling to breathe now. My head was getting light and fuzzy. Why did I feel like this? Yes, he was my friend but I shouldn't feel this bad...?

I remember when we met, he was at one of our first shows, there for the band from the very beginning. He came to meet us after the show, his eyes glistening with excitement and something else to this day, I haven't been able to put my finger on. We were all drunk out of our minds and I was a little high from the pills and shit I had been taking but we knew something had happened. We had put together something special. But the band was never truely complete until we had Frank. Over the next few years me and Frank had grow closer and closer. When I had announced that me and Lyn-z were getting married, something was wrong. A little spark in his eye had gone. He congratulated us both and left, barely saying a word. Ray and Mikey had a joke that he went off to cry. But that wasn't true. The last time we played before I was married, there was something...different about him. He was angry. He threw and kicked stuff around the stage, trying to jump on me. Not like his normal 'I'm gonna climb on this drum set and try and kill Bob' kind of Frank. But, angry. Me and Lyn-z had the wedding with Frank as one of my best men, along with Mikey and Ray (I couldn't choose between them could I?) but as soon as it was over he ran off, coming back to the van 6 hours later, drunk.

I couldn't think about that shit anymore though. I needed more sleep. I took some sleeping pills that Lyn-z had in the medicine cabinet and went back to bed. For more terror filled nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying it so far


	3. Regretting- Part One

Part One  
Gerards POV

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

I woke up gasping for air in a cold sweat, sitting up suddenly, flinging my phone that previously lay on my chest to the end of the bed, and sliding of Lyn-zs favorite purple silk sheets and onto the floor.

Shit, that felt so fucking real. They had Mikey, Ray, Frank, Lyn-z, even Bandit was there. All of them were tied to chairs with silver tape over their mouths and I could see bruises on their arms and faces. I was prepared to kill when I saw they had hurt my little girl. We were all in a dark warehouse place when five figures came out of the shadows. I couldn't see their faces because they were wearing dark colored hoodies that covered their eyes and scarfs over their mouths and noses. Simultaneously they pulled out hand guns and put them to the back of my friends heads. I was running towards them but I couldn't move forward, like I was on an invisible treadmill. Then they pulled the triggers one by one, starting with Mikey, and ending with Bandit. My pillow was wet with tears. I can't take this much longer.

As I was regaining a sense of reality, my phone started buzzing and vibrating at the end of my bed. For the second time that day, I swung my legs round and forced myself out from under the covers. I slipped on the wooden flooring, keeping myself up by leaning on the bed with my left hand and made a mental note to buy a rug of some kind.

Eventually I reached my phone and picked it up just in time for it to stop fucking ringing. Where it ha fallen off the bed, the screen had cracked. One long thin line from the top left corner all the way to the bottom right. For fucks sake. I ran my thumb along it, tracing it all the way across my nearly new phone. I sighed and threw it back on the bed, making a quite 'thump' as it hit the quilt. As I turned around I managed to catch a quick glimpse of my appearance in the mirror and had to take a second glance. Shit, I looked awful. I realized just how long it had been since I actually looked at myself. Big black circles had developed under my bloodshot eyes through stress and lack of sleep. I the corners of my mouth started to curls at the sight of actual stubble. I had never been able to grow a beard. At all. I have to shave though, Lyn-z has said to me before that 'it's okay you can't grow one sweetie, I like clean shaven faces anyway'.

The broken phone started making noises again, which were muffled by the quilt but I could still hear them. I picked it up and checked the caller ID. Mikey.

"Ugh...hey Mikes. What's up?" I groaned. I hadn't spoken for about 24 hours so my voice was a little croaky.

"Gerard! Thank God you're okay! I've been trying to get a hold of you for fucking hours! Why haven't you been picking up your phone man?!" I winced at the tone and volume of his voice. I hadn't been awake long enough for this kind of shit.

"huh? What? Hours? I- what time is it?"  
"Dude! It's like, 5:30pm! You sound like you've been asleep all day!" he said in an uncomfortably motherly tone.

"I have Mikey, I can't sleep at all at night at the moment. Fuck, is it really 5:30?! Anyway, why were you calling? How's Bandit?"  
"You need to get your sleep shit sorted out Gee" he sighed. "Bandit's fine, we were just calling to ask if it's okay if she stays another night? She wants to go to the park tomorrow morning. Don't worry, we still have some of her clothes here form the last time she stayed" His voice turned from slightly harsh, to hopeful in a matter of seconds, kind of reminding me of when we were kids and he wanted to wait outside in the summer for the ice-cream truck. But I couldn't help feel like she wanted to spend more time with her Uncle than with her Dad, she had been spending a lot of time there recently. That hurt.

"Yeah okay Mikes, give her a hug from me alright?"  
"Sure Gee, I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Okay, bye Mikey,"  
I heard him tell Bandit to say goodnight to me a soon I heard her sweet little voice, " bye, bye Daddy!"  
I chuckled to myself as a small tear began to form in my eye. "Bye, bye sweetheart." I heard a beeping sound to signal the call had ended. I turned round and sat on the bed. Not even my own daughter wants to spend time with me. God I'm so fucking useless. I seriously don't know why Lyn-z puts up with me! I can't even get a blood test without fainting at the first sight of the tiny needle! She would be so much better off someone else. She's so beautiful and talented I'm sure she'd be able to find someone.

Maybe she already has.

Maybe the van is fine and it's just an excuse to go off with some other guy...

Oh stop it Gerard! Lyn-z isn't unfaithful!

She's probably just gotten sick of you and wants a couple of days before she has to come back to see your fucking face.

I screamed in frustration. I don't know what to think anymore, what to believe. Even if Lyn-z was cheating I wouldn't fucking blame her! I'm so fucking useless! All I fucking do now is just sit around the house all day waiting for someone to call me saying that they don't want the band to end, that they want to get us back together. They all seem perfectly happy now though. Without me. I was holding them back. Eventually, everyone would be better off without me. Frank's got Death Spells, Mikey could look after Bandit while Lyn-z's on tour making them both happy and I'm sure Lyn-z would forget about me soon enough and move on. And Ray, I've barely heard anything from him, not since my birthday, Mikey told me he was writing songs again.

I mean I was the Gerard Way. The lead singer of the band that had changed peoples lives for the better, now it's rumored that people have killed themselves because we split up? I felt a stab of guilt in my stomach. It's all my fucking stupid fault. Now what am I? A stupid comic book writer who, the only reason his books get published is because of who he is. Once people forget me, they'll stop getting published and I will end up in the same place I was 13 years ago.

All of a sudden I screamed again and swept all of the stuff off the table that Lyn-z keeps all her mirrors and jewellery and stuff like that on. It's spread all over the floor.

I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of the room, slamming the door as I went, down the hall, and into the bathroom. My hands gripped either side of the sink and I looked at my face in the mirror.

No one would miss you, you're pathetic. Fat, and pathetic, and useless. Once people forget you, you'll just be another struggling artist.

Something shiny caught my eye from the sink. I looked down to see the broken razor from the night before.

The silver blade shone again and before I could think the blade was in my hand and being dragged slowly across my left wrist. I winced as it stung at first but the feeling of relief quickly took over. It was strange. Like it helped me forget everything that had happened. I did it again, and again, and again until the blood was trickling down my arm. I had made iver 15 deep cuts on that arm. My vision started to blur and my head felt light as I lent up against the wall and slid down the tiled surface to sit on the floor. The tiles were cold against my bare legs as I had taken my jeans off at some point during the night. I swapped the blade into my left hand which was now shaking and cut along my right wrist as the words 'stupid, fat, pathetic, useless' repeated in my head. The blood was now forming a puddle on the floor, ruining my t-shirt and underwear. Who cares anymore? I now had 15-20 cuts on each arm, I lost count and I was struggling to keep my eyes open, never mind focused.

In the haze of my vision I noticed a small yellow pot lent up against the bottom of the sink. For some reason it caught my eye. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what it was.


	4. Regretting - Part two

Part Two  
Gerards POV

-Flashback-  
'Too much, too late or just not enough of this,  
Pain in my heart, for your dying wish, I'll kiss your lips again'

My heart is about to beat out of my chest, my hair is plastered to my face with sweat, and the noise is almost deafening. I fucking love it. The crowd is amazing tonight, everyone of the fans are screaming along to the lyrics with their hands in the air and I think...yep, that's a mosh pit forming.

'To your room, what they ask of you,  
They'll make you want to say,  
"so long, well I don't remember,  
why remember you?"'

My legs wont stop moving. The entire stage is ours. I can't stop. I don't want to stop. Haha! What the fuck is Frankie doing?! I decide to kind of jump and skip over to him and join in what ever he's doing. God he looks amazing tonight. I've got this funny feeling inside that I can't get rid of when I'm with him. It's a coincidence. Right? Probably just excitement. Yeah. Ohmygod his face is moving closer to mine. What is he doing?!

"Kiss me, the fans will go mad."

He moves his face away and his eyes twinkled like they always do. The realization of what he said only just clicked and I'm sure it's a joke. My smile is even bigger now. It was a joke. I laugh it off and walk to the other side of the stage.

'Woah, do you have the keys to the hotel?  
Cause I'm gonna string this motherfucker on fire, fire'

My hair is really starting to fuck me off. This has to be the millionth time I've had to push it out of my face. I swear to fucking God I'm getting a hairband. I look over to Frank but he looks...disappointed? Maybe he was serious...just for the fans right? I run over to him, and grab his sweaty hair and force his face towards mine.

Oh God.  
Time has literally stood still. The feeling inside has spread all over my body and through my finger tips. It feels like a million fireworks have been let off inside me and I can't stop it. Its magical and exciting and new and I can barely think. There is nothing else in this world, just me and Frank. The noise has stopped but I know the crowd has just gotten louder. He wraps his beautiful, tattooed arm around my waist and stops playing. His lips are so soft and they move perfectly with mine, in sync, they just, fit ya'know? His arm starts to slowly move down my back but I know I have to move away soon before it turns into a full blown make out session. Why they fuck am I enjoying this so much? I literally have to push him away and force myself to carry on singing. He stumbles back a bit then continues playing, with an adorable smirk on his face and a sparkle in his eye. He turns to face me, oh god he just winked at me then continues to thrash his head around throwing sweat into the crowds.

'life is but a dream,  
for the dead...'

-4 hours later-  
Mikey mumbles something on his way past on the bus with a smirk on his face. "What did you say Mikes?" You never know it could have been important.

"I said," he sighs, "I knew it was only a matter of time," I knew what he meant but just to be sure.  
"Huh? What was?" I know whats coming now. The rant.

"Eugh. Before you and Frank started snogging! Have you not seen the way he looks at you? Jesus Christ. I did honestly think that he would kiss you first. AWH are you two going out now?!? You could double date with me and Alicia! Hang on, what happened to Lyn-z, you know the bassist from that other band? Aren't you two meant to be a thing? Oh she's gonna freak out when she sees the tape of the sho-" I have to interrupt him, otherwise he would never breathe.

"Mikey! Shut the fuck up and breathe! No, me and Frank are not dating, it was just for the fans. And actually Frank suggested it first so it wasn't my idea. Also, yes, me and Lyn-z are a kind of thing but I'm gonna go and talk to her in the morning but she knows about how me and Frank do things like that! So calm down! Fucking hell Mikey! Why do you never talk this much for interviews?" I explained myself possibly a bit too loudly. He was flinching slightly.

At that point Frank walks in with a cheeky smile plastered across his face. God he looks amazing. His floppy black hair frames his face perfectly and his hazel eyes with flecks of gold glint slightly in the low light. Fuck. He hands me a small plastic carrier bag with a yellow tub in it and flops down onto the couch.

"What's this?" I ask him.  
"Open it and find out, dickhead." he chuckles. Mikey, Ray and Bob were all starring at me as I opened the bag and pulled out...lip balm?

"Erm thanks Frank..." I say slightly confused. Surely my lips weren't dry, I was singing. My lips always go really slimy when I sing.  
"No problem, I wouldn't want those gorgeous lips of yours getting chapped now would I?" he gave me another peck on the cheek, winked at me, and walked off to his bed. To which point the other three people here burst into fits of laughter at my shocked and confused face.  
-End of flashback-

So that's where my 'obsession' as some people call it, with lip balm had begun. I had forgotten myself for a while, it had all started with Frank. I'm not obsessed. I just don't like chapped lips.  
Oh Frank. I missed him so much. I smirked at the memory. A memory which will haunt me for the rest of my life. It was too perfect and I know I will never be that happy again. I made one last final cut on my right wrist and faded off into the fuzzy darkness on my bathroom floor.


	5. Visiting

Franks POV

I sat alone in the dirty grime filled rest stop and stared into the worst coffee I have ever tasted. There was a loud, annoying dripping sound from behind me in no general direction. The greasy teenage boy at the counter wiped down the surface and then straightened out some straws which must've been there for months. 

I had only ever come here once before, but I wasn't alone then. I came with Gerard, mikey, ray, and that untalented jack-ass matt. He couldn't keep a fucking simple beat to save his life. I sighed and remembered the dark, stormy night. We had ran out of coffee on the bus at like, 3am. We were all very drunk after one of my first shows with them and about half way through the night mikey made a stupid joke about how me and Gerard would make a great couple. I think Gee was tickling me at that point and I giggled like a little girl, begging him to stop, but that's not the point; it was still a stupid joke. Me and Gerard were close then, and got closer, especially after he quit the booze and meds and stopped being mates with that other jack-ass bert. He might not have shown it but, he was a bit upset when they err... Broke up? Is that the right phrase? I don't know. Anyway, I had been there to pick up the pieces and support him. Not saying that he wouldn't have done it if I wasn't there, I mean, he's a strong dude but there were nights when, he would ask to go on a walk with me or something and then talk about everything. We got really close and seemed to have stayed that way, if not gotten stronger and then he started to kiss me on stage. I actually thought he meant it. Clearly not. 

The thought of Gerard kissing me again made my insides feel funny again, like it always had. I have always had that soft spot for him. We had this agreement that we were gonna get married to each other if neither of us were married by the time we were thirty and I gotta admit, I was a little bit disappointed. Not that I loved him or anything. He is just just a friend. Right?

I felt a longing for him again. I need to talk to him. I don't want us to drift apart like we have been since the band broke up but, recently it's been unstoppable. I've had death spells, he's been with bandit. I couldn't help it, I did try to speak to him when he came to see Lyn-z play but I got the feeling like, he wasn't all there, you know? Like his mind was in a different place. I really wish I could talk to him now, just to make sure he's okay, that we're okay. I know I freaked out a bit when the band decided to break up but it was my life. I was their biggest fan. I got to play with my idols and my best friends in front of thousands of people and my life couldn't get any better. Clearly it got worse instead. I pulled out my phone to check the time. The bright numbers shone back telling me that it was 3:30pm, which meant it was about 12:30pm in California. I decided to call him. Can't do any harm I guess. 

Ring ring ring ring. Voicemail. 

Maybe he was just away from his phone. I should call him again. 

Ring ring ring ring. Voicemail. 

Okay, this is weird. He never doesn't pick up his phone. He practically glued to that fucking thing, especially twitter. I think he just likes posting random pictures to fuck with fans sometimes. Haha. I'll try it again. 

Ring ring ring ring. Voicemail. 

Fuck. Mikey will know what to do. Maybe hes at the movies or something? Then it would be turned off and wouldn't ring. 

Ring ring ring, "hello?!" mikeys voice had the same urgency as mine does when I reply. "mikey?! Are you okay? Have you heard from Gerard? He's not picking up his phone and I need to talk to him." 

"Frank?" I could hear the confusion and disappointment in his voice. Way to make me feel loved michael. "what's happened? Why do you need to talk to Gerard? Is he okay? I've been trying to get a hold of him for hours but he's not picking up his fucking cell, and I can't get over there, sarah's got the car with the booster seats in and I've got the kids with me. Shit Frank I'm really worried about him."

I sighed at the realisation that mikey knew no more than I did. "It's alright, he probably just dropped it or something. It's just really need to talk to him, that's all. I'm okay, just..." I couldn't finish that sentence without giving too much away. I didn't want to talk to him, mikeys great and everything but, I just need Gerard right now. I sighed again and it seemed to be acceptable for him because he replied with a conclusion to our current conversation, "okay, I er- just call me if you manage to get through to him" 

"okay thanks mikes, bye"  
"see ya Frank"  
There was a click at the other end of the line to let me know he had hung up. Fuck. Now I was worried. 

I kept trying to call him on the way home, none of these had been successful. I walked through the front door and instantly knew something was wrong. The atmosphere in the house was almost unbearable.   
"hi sweetie, where have you been? I was expecting you to be home hours ago. You usually come straight home after a tour." jamia was trying to pretend there was nothing wrong but I could sense a bitterness to her tone.   
"I just stopped for coffee."   
"You ALWAYS 'just stop for coffee' what are you ignoring me or something? You barely speak anymore. I know there is something going on in your head and you won't let me in to try to understand. Ever since my Chem split you've been somewhere else, mentally and physically. What's wrong with you Frank?! The kids miss you! I miss you! I can't deal with this shit anymore!" Her outburst surprised me, I had never seen her like this. I could see she was angry but with the shine of tears in her eyes. This was my fault. I had caused her to be upset. Im so fucking useless.   
"I er- Gerard wasn't picking up his phone and I got worri-" I had a pathetic attempt to defend myself.   
"OH GERARD, GERARD, GERARD! He's all you talk about when you do eventually talk! Sometimes I wonder whether you ARE actually in love with him! I could deal with it on stage but it's getting too fucking much now! Is that where you go?! Just go off in private to talk to him? Does he come here? Or you go there? Was there even a tour or did you just need an excuse to see him?!" jamia interrupted.   
I had gotten sick of this now.   
"OF FUCKING COURSE I WAS ON TOUR, YOU'VE SEEN THE PICTURES! YOU KNEW I WAS ON TOUR WITH HIS WIFE JAMIA. HIS WIFE. WE ARE BOTH MARRIED. IT WAS A FUCKING ACT, OKAY? YOU KNOW THAT AS WELL AS I DO. YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT ME AND HIM HAVE BEEN THROUGH. WE FUCKING KEPT EACH OTHER ALIVE FOR FUCKS SAKE. WE ARE BEST FRIENDS AND I HAVE HARDLY SPOKEN TO HIM SINCE THE BREAK UP. IM WORRIED ABOUT HIM JAMIA. I AM." I felt hot tears rolling down my face now and there was nothing I could do to stop them.   
"DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, IERO." she took a deep breath and continued so quietly I barely heard her. "I just- I need some time to think. I- I would like you to l-leave."   
That was it. She was throwing me out. Who am I to stop her, just some guy with a crush on his bestfriend. I don't deserve her. She'll be better off without me. "k-kay" 

Fuck. Where am I gonna go? I need to talk to gee, I fucking need him more than anything in the world right now. 

'If you ever need me, get on a plane and visit, you're always welcome.' 

His voice entered my head, I can't remember when he said that, i think it was just before he left for California. I tried calling him again multiple times while packing my stuff into the bag I used for the danger days tour. I still got no reply. 

Remembering to pick up my passport and wallet on the way out I left to go get a cab to the airport. I was just gonna show up there. Maybe his phone just wasn't taking calls or something? I had no other choice. Everyone else would ask questions and expect me to answer them, not gee though, he doesn't want answers, he's just always there for me. 

I tried to think how he would react as I pulled up outside the airport and handed the driver some money. He seemed unsatisfied with his small tip but I didn't know how much the ticket would be. 

It wasn't that expensive but it didn't leave me with enough to get back that same night. Hopefully gerard isn't too upset with me and doesn't turn me away, Then I would be royally fucked. 

I boarded the plane almost immediately compared to how long I have previously waited in airports, sometimes even sleeping there when the flights got delayed. Snows awesome but can be a pain in the ass sometimes ya'know. 

The plane ride has been filled with worries of what could happen when I arrived at gerards house, he could've been ignoring my calls on purpose or something. What if he was? What if he never wants to speak to me again? What if I'm just bugging him now and he just slams the door in my face? I dont know what to do, maybe I should just call jamia... I don't think she'ld like the idea of me going to Gerard after our argument precisely about me and him. Shit. I haven't spoken to gee for ages, what if he does just hate me? What if him liking me was just an act for the fans, he didn't want to disappoint them? 

-Time lapse of about 3 hours-

It's too fucking late now to change my mind though, the plane is just coming in to California airport. I don't even know what its called and don't care much either. All I care about is gee opening that front door. The sweet smile I'm hoping for or the grimace that would break my heart. 

God that sounds soppy. I should cut that out right now. I'm not even gay! No offence to Gerard or anything but I just don't see him that way. I mean, we're very good friends and everything and it's normal to find guys, well, attractive right? 

I hauled my bag through the airport as quick as I could, it wasn't that heavy, but I managed to pack all my stuff into the only one of three cases with a broken wheel. Well done Frank you idiot. 

It was still bright outside as it was getting into summer and it was only about 5:30 when I got out of the airport and into a taxi. The driver opened the door and helped me slide my bag through into the other side with me climbing in after it. He pushed the door closed a little too hard causing a loud bang and the whole car to vibrate, making me jump so high I nearly went through the fucking roof. Jesus fucking Christ I don't have the nerves for this today. He got into the front and swivelled round to face me. 

"where d'ya wanna go, buddy?"

I told him gerards address and he asked me out of curiosity if I was seeing family. For some reason I poured my heart out to the unlucky cab driver who had the misfortune of picking me up and listening to my ramblings. His face turned into many different emotions throughout the ride, from shock as he realised I was in my Chem, even though he knew he recognised me, anger at jamia, sympathy for me and a kind of delight that I was going to see gee. But he did not interrupt once, at the end he told me how much of a huge fan of MCR he was so he asked me to sign a bit of paper and a bullets cd cover he had in the car. I did so gladly, apologising on the bit of paper for talking so much. 

We pulled up outside gees front door and I dragged my heavy bag  across the seats and out the cab door behind me. I peaked my head through the drivers window and he drastically reduced my bill as a thank you for the signatures and wished me good luck with gerard. I thanked him and shook his hand, then turned to walk up the path, waving behind my head as he drove away. 

I reached the front door and realised my breathing had gotten quick in short gasps. I hadn't spoken to him in weeks now. I just hope he doesn't hate me. 

My shaking hand knocked on the front door three times and I pulled my hand back down. The strap of my bag had started to dig into my shoulder making it painful to stand up straight. I waited for about 30 seconds and there was no answer, so I knocked again. Gerard had no peep hole and the curtains were closed so there is no way he could know for sure it was me. 

I looked down and saw a conveniently placed rock next to the front door, it was medium sized, about the same size as a grapefruit. I stared at it for a few seconds as if it held the answers to the universe and it was only then I remembered Gerard always kept a spare key cello-taped to the bottom of a rock next to his door. Not sure whether it was the right rock or if he even still did that, I rolled the large stone over with the tip of my shoe. Sure enough, there was a dirty silver object on the bottom, covered in old peeling tape. 

With clumsy fingers I removed the key that must've been there a couple of years and prayed they hadn't changed the locks. I don't think he would usually mind me going into his house, whether this has changed in the last few weeks, I don't know. I'll find out soon enough though. It took me a couple of attempts to get the key in the lock without missing or dropping it but I eventually got the door open. 

"Gerard?!" I called as I placed my stuff just inside the door. "Stop ignoring me and your brother and come and fucking talk to me!" 

I walked into his lounge and smiled as I saw it near enough exactly the way his house always is, comic books, coffee mugs and art stuff everywhere. I saw a couple of paint brushes placed inside the coffee mugs assuming this was his idea of organisation. This would normally piss off and disgust people but it only brings a smile to my face. 

Theres his old, tired-looking blue couch next to a small wooden chair. I saw what was sitting in the chair and an even bigger grin sprung to my face as I saw a soft brown bear sitting in it. The bear I bought him a few months ago when he was upset while we were organising releasing the fourth conventional weapons. 

"Gerard?!" I called again, still with no reply. There was something wrong with this situation. The house had an odd silence to it. 

I continued my search around the house for Gerard, going into every room I could find. There weren't a lot so it didn't take long before I went into his room to find the sheets had recently been slept in. The next door down was the bathroom which was the only room I hadn't been in yet. I quietly knocked first as it is still a bathroom but found that the door swayed open at the lightest touch. 

It took my mind a while to figure out the situation. I saw him almost immediately as he was sitting directly opposite the door, slouched up against the cold tiles, in a large pool of his own blood, more slowly seeping out of the gashes in his arms and wrists. 


	6. Saving

Franks POV 

I Quickly fell to my knees once I had realised what was going on. I couldn't breathe, hot tears were rolling down my cheeks as I reached out to touch him. He didn't move. His eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open. Knowing I had to do something, I reached for my cell phone. 

"Hello, which service do you require?" A sing-songy voice chimed through the phone.

"H-hello? H-help! m-my friend, h-he's hurt! H-he has cuts on his arms! I-I think he d-did it to himself!" I could barely speak, my voice was croaky and I had a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat. 

"Okay sweetie, call down. I'm going to put you through to the ambulance services and there's no need to explain again. I've already sent a message through.  They will ask you some questions about your friend and get someone straight out to you." Her voice was more sympathetic and human this time. 

"O-okay. Thank you." The tears were still flowing fast down my face. 

There were a few seconds of silence before I heard a male voice. "Hello?"

"H-hi"

"Okay first we need your address so we can get someone straight out to you while sending the rest of the information you give us" He got straight to the point. I told him gerards address as I stared at gees limp body slouched up against the wall. 

"Is your friend still bleeding?" he got straight to it. I stared at gerards arms and told the man that he is. I could see it trickle down his arms. He had obviously done it quite deep. "Y-yeah, q-quite a bit. Please h-help!"

"It's okay, we'll be there as soon as we can. I want you to find towels, material, anything you can use to wrap tightly around his arms. It will stop the bleeding as much." I searched around the bathroom, and found two hand towels. Kneeling down again i wrapped his bloody arms as tight as I could.

"Done. N-now what?"

"Okay, someones on their way now. What's yours and your friends name?" 

"It's uh- Frank. M-mines Frank Iero and h-he's Gerard Way." There was silence as I heard him talk to a woman  on that end of the phone.

His voice quickly returned though, stuttering slightly. "I-uh okay Frank. I need you to check his pulse." There was blood surrounding the man but I needed to do this. My knee got wet with the sticky fluid as I shuffled towards him, gagging as I went. Fake blood was alright, normal blood was okay, my best friend blood, absolutely not. I had to put my left hand in it to avoid going of balance or leaning on Gerard. It was still sickeningly yet hopefully warm. I placed my two fingers on gerards neck. His pulse was there but weak and slow. My breath caught in my throat at the realisation that he is dying. I couldn't say anything. Do anything. Apart from feel the slow beats of his heart on my fingers. 

It took a few seconds for me to realise I had dropped the phone and the man on the other end was still needing answers for his previous question. 

"Yeah! Y-yeah I found it, b-but it's slow and weak. Oh god" my voice crackled as I started to sob. 

"Okay, it's okay," the calm man on the other end of the phone tried to calm me down. It didn't work as nothing would. "The ambulance will be there soon, make sure your front door is unlocked for them."

It is, from when I came in. FUCK. I gotta ring mikey! What the hell am I gonna say?!

I was interrupted from my thoughts by people entering the house. 

"Hello?! Ambulance service!" A male voice shouted coming though the front door. 

"Hello? W-we're in the bathroom! P-please hurry!" I shouted in reply, not thinking about the fact that they have no idea where the bathroom is. The blood was now thick and sticky on my hands and knees as I got up and rushed into the corridor to direct them to Gee. 

They ran past me to him and started doing tests on him like some kind of science experiment while I stood, sobbing loudly in the doorway, trying not to get in anyones way. There were masks and needles and testing equipment, if Gerard was awake he would've hated it. 

After a few minutes which felt like a lifetime, they slid him onto a board and lifted him through the house, out the door and onto a bed which took him into the ambulance. His skin still as pale as I have ever seen it, even more so than when he was wearing make up. 

Realising I was still frozen to my place in the front door way, I closed the door behind me, and ran down the path to the ambulance. The driver held the door open for me and allowed me to climb in the back with Gerard, before slamming the door shut behind me and taking his own place at the front. We were moving almost as soon as the doors were closed. 

The medic sitting next to Gerard kept making sympathetic faces at me while fiddling with tubes and wires. She sighed and stopped doing whatever she was doing. I guess there isn't anything else she can do for him until we get to the hospital. 

"Are you two close?"  
"I-er yeah, yeah pretty close"  
She gave me another sympathetic glance and tried to reassure me.   
"Don't worry, he's in the best possible care now. I can't say much but God knows what would've happened if you hadn't got there when you did. You've probably saved his life."  
She had a sort of twang to her voice that you wouldn't really expect by looking at her. Her long black hair scraped up into a tight pony tail reminds me slightly of Lyn-z. Shit. I've got to call her as well. Fuck. I couldn't think about that conversation now though. 

I noticed a small black tattoo poking out from underneath the girls uniform. I could only see the end but from where I am it looks like a tribal design. 

I reached out and grabbed Gerards cold hand and squeezed gently. How could I let this happen?! 

"Excuse me if I'm wrong or I should mind my own business but, are you two together?" I nearly choked on my own spit.   
"No. I- no. No just friends." my brain screamed 'I wish' but I left that bit out. Just a stupid crush. Everyone gets them. I'm not in love with him. Just a crush. 

"What's your name?"  
"Erm, Frank. Frank Iero."  
"hmm Frank Iero. Strange name but I've heard it before. Do I know you?" It was only then did I notice she was wearing bright yellow DMs and an earphone was hanging out of the pocket on her shirt. "No, I don't think so. You might've heard of me though."   
Seriously. Everyone around here knows who I am. She shoots me a confused look. "My band was quite good." A look of shock and realisation spread quickly throughout her face. 

"Shit! I know who you are! And...Fuck! That's Gerard! Fuck...I- Shit! What happened?!" At that point the ambulance stopped and the doors swung open to reveal the man who was driving. He gestured with his head for me to get out and I waited while they wheeled Gerard out and across the car park. The driver slammed the doors shut again (seriously can't he just close them quietly?! Jesus.) and started talking about all this random crap to doctors that had greeted us halfway down the never ending corridors of the hospital, most of it I didn't understand at all. 

They told me to wait outside the room while they sorted Gerard out and the nice ambulance girl came over to me again. 

"Listen, I erm- I know you probably don't want to but I know stuff like this is hard so if you ever want to talk about anything, here's my email address. I mean this purely in a friend kind of way not...anything else. So yeah, here" she handed me a small square of card with her name and email address on and I weakly smiled at her. 

"Thanks er- Katy. I'll let you know how he's doing" she smiled back and then left. Leaving me wondering what the fuck to do now. 


	7. Listening

Gerards POV 

Beep beep beep beep...

Shit...what's going on? This is the start to 'the end'!? Fuck! I tried to take a deep breath in but the rest of the band never started up. The lights never turned on. 

The band is over. 

Just a steady beep...beep...beep continued to ring in my ear. 

Fuck! Where am I?! I look around to see that I can't actually see anything. Everything's dark and shit, I can't move. Is this what it feels like? Is this it? Is this what death is? Where's the bright light? Where's heaven or hell or, something...anything? All that surrounds me is darkness. 

I lay there trying to work out a way out of here when I heard a familiar voice coming from in front of me. By the volume I would say they were a few feet away. 

"How long will he be like this?" The voice was cracking like the person it belonged to had recently been crying and their voice was worn from the strain. 

Another, less familiar voice answered, "It's hard to say, a few days at least. But he's stable, that's the main thing. We've put him in a controlled, medicated coma. It will give his body more time to heal."

I knew I knew the first voice, it was too hard to tell who it was though, through the tears. 

"m'kay, thanks doctor." Doctor? Shit, I'm in a hospital. So I cant even do this without fucking it up!! For fucks sake! Can't I do anything right?! Clearly not. 

"You know, some people say that coma patients can hear and feel the people around them. You could try talking to him." The doctor replied in a casual but reassuring tone. 

"I will, do you mind if I make a few phone calls in here?" I know I fucking recognise that voice, it's going to drive me mental. 

"We would prefer it if you used the phone on the wall there." I'm guessing some sort of hand gesture was used here. "Mobile phones can affect the equipment being used in the hospital."

"Thanks again doctor," Fuck, I know who that is!

Frank?!

What the fuck are you doing here?! You're meant to be in new jersey! 

"If you need anything, I'll be along this corridor." With that I heard the door creak open and close with a slight bang. 

"...Gee?" Franks small voice was to the left of me now and I felt his fingers slowly sliding into my hand.   
"Shit Gee what happened?"

I didn't feel the need to live anymore. 

"Why did you do this to yourself?"

I missed you. Wait. What? 

"I missed you so much Gee, I missed you so much it hurt. I can't imagine life without my best friend."

I can't imagine it without you, either. Fuck Frank! Why did you have to save me?! I wanted to scream at him but my lips wouldn't form words. I wanted to stop him from talking but I couldn't move my hands. But at the same time I wanted to hug him. To reassure him that everything was okay, even if I wasn't.

"Please Gerard, just...just wake up..." his voice was breaking again and I could hear the quiet sobs that I haven't heard much since I got clean. "just wake up Gee..."

After a few minutes I heard him sniff and his hand left mine. I instantly felt cold from the lack of contact. Then I heard a chair scraping against the tiled floor before obnoxiously loud beeping which I assumed came from the telephone. The room was silent for a few minutes before I heard his small voice again. 

"Mikey?..."

Shit. 

"I er yeah, I got hold of him..."   
I could imagine what my brother was saying on the other end. 

"No he's not mikey!" another wave of sobs filled the room. "He's- We're at the hospital. He-  he tried to kill himself." 

Fuck. I could almost feel the silence when I guessed he said that he was on his way. 

"O-okay, you know which hospital to come to right?" 

They said quick goodbyes and there was a 'clunk' sound to signal that the phone was back on the hook. 

"Gee?...Mikey's on his way...He's gonna kick your ass for this, you know that, right?"

Yup. I know. 

"Of course you do, your his brother." There was a short silence before he continued. "Why'd you do this to yourself Gee?! You're the part of this god-forsaken world that makes it all worth it!"

I cant do it Frankie, it's too hard. This world is too dark and I can't take it. 

"No matter how much shit there is out there you always have those sparks in you that shine brighter than all of that other shit and it fucking makes it worth it. It's just... I don't know what I'm supposed to say right now but... it doesn't all have to be darkness because you're here and you can fight it."

His hand was gripping mine again like he was scared I would disappear if he let go. Just to hear these words coming out of his mouth hurt. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you down Frankie. 

"Please Gee I hope you can hear me because you need to hear this. I miss you, I can't do this without you."

I can hear you Frank, I miss you too, more than you can ever imagine. 

"Don't think that no one cares because I fucking care and Mikey cares and thousands of other people care too! They honestly do, I know that. Do you really think that you could just slip away from humanity without anybody noticing? I can fucking honestly say I would not be the person I am now if it wasn't for you. You are my hope and my inspiration for everything I do Gee, and without you, I would probably be working in some crappy office after giving up my dream years ago, and you know why I followed my dream?"

He paused as if expecting me to reply. 

"Because you followed yours! You took that secret passion for music and you ran with it! And even now, after the band, you still want to do music. I admire you so much Gee because you never give up and it just...it hurts to see you like this." Next he said something that I would never have expected. 

"I- I love you Gee. Not just as a friend either." I felt his rough fingers stroke the hair out of my face and across my forehead.   
"I love you so much"

And with that I heard a loud bang coming from the left side of the room. "Gerard fuckin' Way! What the fuck man?!" My brothers normally smooth quiet voice cracked towards the end of that and I could tell that he was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realised that all the chapters names end in 'ing' apart from the first one. Huh. Whoops!! Haha! Completely unintenional! I'm just that damn good!   
> Let me know what you think of the story in the comments. (thank you to those who already have!) I really appreciate it! Even if you wanna tell me it's shit! That means I can improve right?   
> I'm gonna try and make the updates more regular now, it's summer so maybe like one every five days or so. Sorry for the really long note! I'll shut up now...


	8. Calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to MSI fans if I got Jimmys personality wrong, I've never really seen any interviews with him or anything so I don't know much about him. I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway!

Franks POV 

Why did I just say that? Shit. What if he can hear me? What if he just heard all of that and now he hates me and never wants to talk to me again? I don't love him...do I? 

Mikeys red, tear streaked face shot past the window and the door swung open. "Gerard fuckin' way!! What the fuck man?!" His almost confident tone cracked towards the end and new tear formed in his eyes as he looked down at his brother. For a while he just stood there, next to Gerard's bed with his mouth slightly open and tears rolling down his face until I got up and put my arms around his tiny waist and arms. He made no movement or sound until his quiet voice squeaked, "What did they say? He's gonna be okay right?" He turned his face to look at me with hopeful eyes. I haven't seen him like this for years. Probably about nine to be precise. 

"Yeah...yeah he's gonna be okay. They've put him in this coma thing. He'll be awake in a few days"

"O-okay." I let go and he lowered himself into one of the awful plastic chairs. "Do you wanna, like, go and eat or something? You must've been here for hours." Mikey pointed out. 

"No, no I'm not leaving him. What if he wakes up early?"

"Okay." 

We sat there for hours, lost in our own thoughts listening to the steady reassuring beep of the monitor. Shit! I forgot to ring Lyn-z! She's gonna be pissed at me for not ringing earlier. I slowly got up and walked over to the phone. I had to use my cell phone to get the number of her cell which I managed to fuck up a grand total of three times. 

Fucking technology. 

"Hello?"

"Lyn-z? Hi."

"Hey Frank! New number? Remind me to add it into my phone. So what's up?"

"Erm Lyn-z? Is someone there with you? I've got some bad news and I don't want you to be on your own..."

"Yeah...the bands here...why? Frank tell me, you're scaring me...what's happened?" Her voice was soft and afraid, I really wish I didn't have to tell her. 

"It's Gerard...he's...he's in the hospital Lyns" I heard her gasp and whimper. "They said he's gonna be okay but they've put him to sleep for a few days to make him rest...there's not much else we can do for now..." 

"F-Frank, what happened? W-where are you?" I could hear her sobbing down the phone. 

"I'm at the hospital now, Mikey's here too... I- I really don't know how to say this..." I felt my throat getting tight again "He- He tried to kill himself." At that I heard a loud snap and the line went silent for a few seconds. When the silence was filled though, it was with a male voice. 

"Frank? Frank what's happened?" It took me a while to recognise the voice. 

"Jimmy? Where's Lyn-z? Is she okay?"

"Yeah kind of... She dropped the phone and she has this weird blank expression on her face, kitty's gone to go and get her some water...we've sat her down and everything but she won't talk or move or anything. What did you say?"

"Oh. It's Gerard...He's in the hospital."

"Shit man sorry to hear that. Is he alright?"

"Yeah he's gonna be okay."

"We'll get Lyn-z over there as soon as we can, the vans broken but there has to be a way."

"Okay thanks Jimmy, make sure she's okay"

"We will. See ya Frank."

The line went dead and I put the phone back in it's place. Mikey and I resumed our comfortable silence for what seemed like days but it was probably just a couple of hours until I needed some kind of conversation otherwise I would go mad inside my own head. 

"So how's Sarah?"

"She's good. We're happy. How's Jamia?" He turned to face me rather than the blank stare into the distance he had since he got here. 

"She's tired of me worrying about Gerard so she's kicked me out. All my stuff, well all the stuff I could carry, is in a bag at Gerard's place. I was gonna stay at a motel or something, I don't know." I said in a blank monotone voice, all the emotion has been washed away, I guess. 

"Oh. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was kind of expecting it. She's just getting tired of my bullshit I guess."

"Mmm. I'm gonna go get some food and coffee. D'ya want anything?"

"Just a coffee thanks."

"You sure? You really should eat something it's been hours and I-"

"No. No...thanks Mikey... I'm fine." I snapped. I really didn't mean too but, I don't know. I didn't get chance to apologise before he left in search of some kind of canteen. 

I felt my eyes getting heavy and I fell asleep to the beeping of Gerards machine with his hand in mine. 


	9. Dreaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just really want to say thanks! I don't quite know how to put this but I'm gonna give it a shot without sounding to over the top...  
> I'm so so grateful for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks and yes, even the amount of views this has gotten! Whenever I check on the comments or anything and I see another kudos or something it means so much that you guys have taken time out to do something like that! I have made so many squeaky noises during the time I've been writing this because of you guys! Seriously! I never really got how important it was to writers on this website until I put this up and it just... It means so much!! Thanks so much again and sorry for rambling!

Gerards POV

He loves me. Frank loves me. Shit. 

I've been replaying his words over and over in my head since Mikey arrived. I just wish I could see him, I wish I could hold his hand as tightly as he holds mine. I can hear his quiet snoring next to me and his hand softly against mine, his rough fingertips resting on my palm. 

"Not just as a friend either." What was that supposed to mean? We're both married and he loves Jamia! I love Lindsey and he loves her...right? I know that things haven't been great between me and Lyn-z but we're sticking at it I guess. Bandit needs us anyway. She's away on tour most of the time so it doesn't make much difference. She's either on tour or I'm doing something with my comic books so it doesn't really matter much anymore. 

I know I do love Frank...wait, what? Like. Like. Like. I like Frank. Frank is my best friend. Along with Ray. Ray and Frank are my best friends. I like Ray, I love Frank. 

What? 

Fuck! 

Shit! 

What the fuck am I thinking?! Frank doesn't love me, what he said was just an in the moment thing...right? 

Of course it was. 

He doesn't mean it. 

Does he?

I heard the squeak of the door opening again and the quiet bang as it's gently closed as if whoever was coming through was trying not to disturb Frank. 

"Hey Gee"

Hey Mikey. 

"Frank told me earlier that you might be able to hear us in there." 

Yeah...

"I want to say...I'm sorry Gee. How could I have been so fucking blind as to not see that you were this bad?! I'm so fucking stupid. I really am sorry. I just... I don't know what to say." The was a slight pause and I heard a soft whimper. I haven't seen Mikey cry a lot, even when he was little. He was just happy to go with it I guess. Mom used to say I was because I had done most of the crying for this family that Mikey already knew his parents needed a break. And now he was crying and there was nothing I could do to comfort him. I was failing him as a brother, I hadn't even thought about how badly this would affect him. 

He sniffed and chuckled slightly. There was a slight smile in his voice, "Remember when we used to play when we were little? Whenever you got hurt you used to go sobbing to mom about how you didn't want an injection from the doctor. If you could only see the amount they've given you do far."

Haha laugh at my pain and fear. Nice bro. Love you too. 

"I know you're not gonna wake up any time soon but I got you a sandwich. The food here is crap so I went across the street to get something. I got Frank something as well but we all know he's a stubborn little midget."

Please try and get him to eat Mikes. I'm worried about him ya'know.

"He'll probably eat it when he wakes up anyway...and yours for that matter." He paused and sighed.   
"I miss you Gee. I know things have been pretty shit recently with Sarah and the band and everything but... I really miss you. I know I can't really go over to the house much anymore, I'm not exactly in Lyn-zs good books much am I? I am trying. Not as hard as I should've been though, I know that now." He sighed again and there was a rustle of a carrier bag, he's probably got a magazine in there or something. The sound of him flicking through the pages confirmed that. 

There was a sudden loud whimper from the other side of me and I felt Franks hand flinch away from mine. I heard Mikey stop and Franks breath got loud and quick. He fidgeted in his chair over and over again whimpering slightly each time. It sounded liked he was trying to say something. The next time he did it, it was more clear. Less of a whimper, more of a strangled plea. 

"Gerard..." Mikey cursed under his breath and I heard him walk round the bed to Frankies chair. 

"Frank." He tried whispering at first but Frank just got louder, shouting my name again and again. Mikey tried about half a dozen times to wake up Frank before he was shouting too. 

"Frank!!" Frank awoke with a gasp like he hasn't breathed at all, all the time he was shouting for me. "Frank what the fuck was that?!"

His breathing was still quick and he paused, not saying anything for a while. "I don't...I don't know... Gerard... He was... There was blood... so much blood... He was saying goodbye... I can't Mikey... I can't... breathe" He was sobbing and he couldn't calm down. I just want to hold him, tell him I'm okay. That I'm sorry for everything. 

"It's okay Frank, just calm down. Here, drink this." I heard the crackle of a plastic bottle caving in on itself and the a loud sigh. Franks breathing was still quite heavy but he's better than he was before. 

"There was blood Mikey. So much fucking blood. All over my hands and all over him. We were sitting on his bathroom floor and I was holding him, him laying across my lap." Mikey hummed in response. He never had had a way with words. 

"I was crying and he was talking to me." 

"What did he say?" 

"He was saying that he was sorry, that I had to promise to look after you, bandit and Lyn-z for him. He was dying Mikey. I couldn't stop it."

"Yeah, but you did stop it. He's here now thanks to you!"

Even if I don't really want to be. 

"I saw the light fade from his eyes with this weird smirk on his face. He kept on talking random stuff about projekt revolution. What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

Wait...what? Shit. He knows?!

"I don't know Frank, I really don't." 

Franks mobile chose that particular moment to alert us all about it's presence. Or it rung as some people with better things to do than sit around thinking all day might call it. It was the batman theme tune which made me (subconsciously) smile. 

"Hello?"  
"Jamia?! Shit, hold on a sec."


	10. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I don't mean to make Jamia such a horrible bitch! I really like Jamia in real life! This just sorta...happened with the story line. Really sorry to all the Jamia lovers out there!  
> Love you all!

Franks POV 

"Jamia? Shit, hold on a sec." I shot Mikey an apologetic glance and almost ran out of the hospital room, nearly knocking over my chair in the process. 

"Frank, I-" she sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did I know how much Gerard and the rest of the guys mean to you I just-" I had to cut her off there otherwise she would keep this up for another 20 minutes and all I want is to get back to Gerard. 

"It's fine Jamia. Look, I'm er kinda busy so..." I really don't want to be harsh so I couldn't think of a way to say 'what do you want' without offending her, she is my wife, after-all. 

"I want you to come home" Straight to the point. Huh. "Where are you?" 

Shit. 

Saying I went across the country and straight to gerard after having an argument about precisely that probably is not the best thing to say. "Er I'm...staying with Mikey..." She didn't buy it. 

"Frank are you lying to me? You don't sound too sure about that. And why Mikey, are you telling me that you went to freaking California?!" 

"I-"

"You're with Gerard aren't you? I fucking knew it." I could hear the kids in the background calling for their mother and her turning her head to quietly sush them. 

"Er, yeah, I'm with Gerard...but Jamia wait! He's-" she cut me off before I could finish my half-hearted explanation, someone tell me again why I was explaining anyway?

"I don't fucking care Frank! You're kids need you here and I can't stay at home all the time to look after them! I have work to do! Just get back to jersey before I drag you back!" she hung up leaving me wondering what just happened. Since when did I become the fucking push over?!

I stormed back into the room and slammed the door. Mikey gave me a confused look and raised an eyebrow under his, wait, new glasses? Huh. 

I pushed myself back into the chair which slid back slightly and  rested my face in my palms which were balanced on my thighs. 

What the fuck right does she have to yell at me like that?! I swear somethings going on with her, she didn't used to be like that. I don't blame Mikey if Alicia had gotten like this. So- the fuck- what if I went to California? My fucking friends are here! I've got barely anyone even close to the friendship that I have with these guys! Especially gerard...

"You wanna talk?" Mikeys voice interrupted my rant in my head. 

"She wants me back home Mikes." He gave me a blank look. 

"Well, when Gerard wakes up, I'll explain it to him and I'm sure he'll be fine with it. I mean you're the one who saved him in the first pla-"

"Yea but what if I don't want to go home?"

"Oh."

"yeah."

"Ha. Kinda askin' the wrong person here Frankie"

"I know."

The silence filled the room again for another 2 minutes 54 seconds. I count when I know I need to calm down, it's relaxing. 

"Why don't you wanna go home then? You got your kids and everythin there." Getting kind if frustrated with the amount of sighing I'm doing recently. 

"I don't know anymore. I don't... I don't think I love her anymore Mikey."

"Oh."

"I mean, I love my kids though. I should- I should go home for them. Probably just a bad day or... or stress or not enough sleep or somethin'. I gotta go just- yeah. Bye mikes, say hi to gee for me" 

I stumbled out of my chair and ran out of the hospital. The nurses looked confused and worried which I ignored and carried on running until I got out of there, onto the main street and found a cab which would take me to the airport. I was sweating, not just from running though, jeez I'm not that unfit. But I was nervous too, nervous and panicking and confused about fucking everything. Of course I love Jamia right? She just yelled at me, obviously I'm gonna feel like this. It's normal marital stuff. 

And I am 100% not, NOT in love with Gerard Way. No. I can't be. I have kids and a life and there is no way I'm in love with my best friend. Ever. 

The dreams are just coincidence. 

I really am dreading going home though. I feel so sick and guilty that I'm leaving Gerard but I'm feeling guilty about leaving cherry, lilly and miles too. I'm such a fucking bad parent! I go off and leave my wife alone to care for our three children! All on her fucking own while I go off to the other side of the country! 

No wonder she yells at me. 

I had left my stuff at Gerard's but I can't go back there. I just can't. Too many memories, old and recent. Its only some clothes and stuff. Nothing important. 

Fuck I need to calm myself down before I fucking die in here or something. One. Two. Three. Four...

I was lost in my thoughts until the cab driver stopped at a set of traffic lights and turned to face me. His face shining with a suspicious grin. 

"Hey! You're that guy from my daughters bedroom wall! You play guitar in a band right?"

Sigh. 


	11. Waking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back! Only one chapter for now (sorry!) although I do have the next one planned and started but I want it to be 100% perfect. I hope this super long chapter makes up for it :)

Gerards POV

Franks gone. I was hoping he would come back but he hasn't. Estimating on Mikeys soft snores beside me I would say he's probably been gone a few hours now at least. I've worked out that I fade in and out of (sub) consciousness and miss a few hours here and there. I guess kind of like sleeping. 

The door made it's usual creaking noise as it opened slowly, the person on the other side not wanting to disturb my brother. It did anyway and I heard him groan and shuffle. 

"Hi, really sorry to disturb you sweetie, I just need to check on Mr Way here." a female voice apologised. 

"Mmh? Oh, oh it's okay."

She fiddled around with some of the machines and her voice perked up suddenly. "Oh! It seems we can wake him up soon! I'll just go speak to the doctor and we cam sort that out for you!" 

"That's brilliant!" Wow that's the most enthusiastic I've heard my brother for years. "You hear that Gee?" he put his hand on my arm. "I'm gonna be able to kick your ass for trying to leave us soon." Did I just hear him chuckle?! He had been cheering up since he had been with Sarah... Maybe it was for the best that they were together. 

The nurse laughed slightly and replied with something like "Just go easy on him for a while" before she left. I was too busy thinking about Frank to listen or to care. Mikey was talking to me about something but I guess he doesn't expect me to hear him so it doesn't matter if I don't listen. 

Why does Frank never leave my mind?! His face, his tattoos, the way early in the morning his shirt lifts up slightly and you can see the bottom of search and destroy around his stomach and hips. His smile, oh god his smile. Not the one that he sometimes puts on for cameras or interviews, but his actual smile. The way it's so wide that his eyes have no option but to close and tiny lines appear in the corners, and his lips pressed tightly together looking so cheeky and innocent. And his laugh, it's so pure and contagious. The top of his nose wrinkled and eyes showing a sparkle that others rarely see because they are too blind to notice. 

But I do. 

I notice everything about Frankie. I can't not notice everything about him. 

I miss him. 

I love him. 

Fuck it, I do! I do love him. But I can't! It's not fucking right, I love Lynz and he loves Jamia. God I can't fucking do this. I can't be in love with Frank. Its gonna ruin everything...

\---

For the first time in what felt like weeks, light hit my eyes and nearly fucking blinded me. I felt a mask over my face and it was suffocating me. 

Fuck. 

Get it off me!! I can't breath! My hands shot up to my face and I felt someone else holding them down, the pain stabbing into my arms was almost unbearable. I tried to scream but my throat hurt and barely any sound came out. They were trying to kill me, keep me locked up here so I struggled with every ounce of energy I had in me. Blurred figures came into my vision and started to clear and sharpen. I recognised one as my brother, which confused me, why would he be helping them keep me here?

A few minutes of harsh struggling and everything was coming back, I was in a hospital. But I need to get out. I need to get out now. 

I need to find Frank. I need to tell him that I love him and I need him. 

Another small figure was curled up on a hard looking couch. She had a soft tear streaked face with black eyeliner creating vertical lines over the pale skin. Her hair was deep black and messy and some of it was stuck to her face from the tears. She looked so familiar but I couldn't quite place a name or who she was. 

Lyn-z. She was my wife! How could I not remember that?! They had drugged me, those people had drugged me so I couldn't even remember my own family! As soon as they leave I'm out of here. 

Lyn-z had distracted me so I had stopped struggling for quite some time now and the doctor released his grip cautiously as if afraid I was going to run. 

Don't be so sure I wont. 

"Gerard! Calm the fuck down will you?! You're okay, in hospital! Alright?! Calm. Down." Mikey slowly took his arms off me and then winced when he saw where he had them before, right over the worst of the now healing cuts. His hard expression turned somewhat sympathetic and apologetic when he sat back down with his gaze returned to his feet. He didn't look as happy as he sounded earlier when the nurse came in. 

"Hello Mr Way, how are you feeling?" I'm assuming the doctor was speaking to me so I shot him a dirty look before the almost overwhelming tiredness took over. 

"'m fine, whadid u gimme? Im tired...too tired..." I slurred as I felt my eyelids getting heavy again. 

"We gave you some medication to help you get better Mr Way." I'm thinking he turned his attention to my brother after he said that as he started talking about me like I wasn't even in the fucking room. 

"He'll be feeling quite confused and extremely tired for the next few days, the best thing you can do is to let him sleep and try to explain what's happened, don't get angry with him though. The nurses will do a few tests just to make sure everything is normal but so far it looks like he's going to be fine." He looked me up and down like a sheep ready for the slaughterhouse   
and then continued looking through the sheets of paper on the clipboard he removed from the end of the bed. 

"How long will it be until he can come home?" Lyn-z spoke for the first time since I woke up. The doctor spun round on the balls of his feet to face her and answered. "Only a few days, but someone will have to stay with him for a while afterwards." 

She nodded and I knew that she couldn't stay with me, she had to go and finish the tour. MSI has already had to cancel shows so she could be here. More people that I've disappointed. 

My eye lids got heavier and heavier as he answered more of their questions, the voices in the room faded in and out until there was nothing but the darkness again. 

\---

I awoke from my dreamless sleep to find the pitch black room around me. I looked around to see the two other people in the room were snoring lightly, one curled up on the couch, one in a chair next to me. Both of them had their mouths slightly open and Mikeys glasses had slipped off the end of his nose and onto the floor. 

Nows my chance. 

Mikey had brought me some clothes in a black material bag which was placed at the end of Lyn-zs feet. I almost fainted when I looked down and saw loads of different needles and tubes sticking out of various places in my face, chest, and arms. 

The biggest one I could see was the tube in my hand, so I tried to pull that one out first. It was stuck to my skin with tape which caught a few of my hairs when I gently pulled it off and the tube out. One after the other I pulled most of them out until my brother stirred and noticed I was awake. 

"Huh? Gerard why are you awake, should be getting more rest- wait, what are you doing?!" his speech went from sleepy and slow to full on awake in second timing. 

Ignoring the rest of the tubes, I tried to get up and out of the bed but they were more persistent than I first thought and I went extremely light headed. 

"I've- I've er, gotta get outta here Mikey...see Frank. Tell stuff."

"Oh no you fuckin don't" I quickly caught his hand before it swung round to hit the button to attract a nurses attention. My reflexes were better than I first thought. 

"Muh- Mikey I have to see Frank"

"Nope!"

"Gerard, Mikey! What are you doing?!" Lyn-z was standing at the end of the bed, wide-eyed with her hair sticking up at all different angles and still in her clothes from yesterday. Both Mikey and I froze until he blurted out what had been going on. 

"Hold him down," she said before running out of the room shouting that she needs help. 

Fuck. 

Mikey had grabbed both of my wrists by this point making me scream out in pain. This hurt more than it did even when I was doing it but I could see that it was the only option for Mikey and he didn't like it at all. He was repeating that he was sorry again and again with tears in his eyes until three female nurses and my wife quickly came through the double doors. 

The tallest one approached the right side of my bed and leaned over me, taking Mikeys place while the other two took one side each and tried to insert everything that I had taken out, back into my body. There was a lot of noise and commotion in the room and I realised most of it was coming from the woman on leaning over me telling me to 'calm down and breathe'. She must've noticed the panic in my eyes when I switched my gaze from the woman to the left of me to her as her face visibly relaxed and told me to do the same. 

I heard Lyn-z crying at the end of my bed and looked over to see Mikey hugging her. Her face was pressed into his neck while he rubbed a hand up and down her back. Seems like the whole thing with Sarah is forgiven then. He was watching the nurses rushing around with an occasional unreadable look over at me. 

After a few minutes of controlled heavy breathing as the woman had told me to do, the nurses either side of me slowed to a stop. The one on the left asked me in a slight British accent, "So where d'ya think you're going then, gorgeous?" Lyn-z turned around in my brothers arms expectantly and stopped crying with a sniff. Her make up was even more ruined than it was before and half of it was probably smudged down Mikeys t-shirt. She looked at me and I realised I couldn't look at her in the eye anymore. Now that I thought about it, I couldn't look at her in the eye before. How long has it been like this?! Weeks? Months? There was something wrong just before she went on tour, a few weeks before that. We've argued a lot recently. 

I just haven't realised until now. 

"I need to see my friend." I tried to make my voice sound as cold as possible as she raised an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh that Frank guy?" I nodded.   
"Huh. Why's that then?" I shrugged. What was I supposed to say? I just need to see him! I need him here with me and I need to know why he left anyway.   
"You don't know?"  
"Nope. Just need to."   
"You sure of that?"  
"Listen here, it's got nothing to do with you, okay?! I just need to see him! I. Need. To see. Frank. I don't know why! I just do! I don't know where he's gone, or why he left or any other bullshit nosey question you might have. Now Mikey would you please tell me where the fuck is my friend!" I snapped and instantly felt guilty, it wasn't the nurses fault. I just need to get out of here. 

Just about everyone was staring at me and I felt like a fucking asshole. 

"Shit, Miss I'm sorry. I really am. Oh god I'm so sorry I snapped at you like that, there was no reason for it and I'm so so so sorry" She stopped and smiled at me. 

"Its okay honey, I've gotten a lot worse from other people so don't worry about it. I shouldn't have pried. It's none of my business." And with that, her and the other two nurses walked out of the room. 

I looked up at Mikey and he sighed. "He's gone back to New Jersey, to Jamia. She called really pissed, yelling at him to go home. He was panicking about something or other and ran out. I tried to go after him but that little midget's fuckin fast ya'know?" I hummed in response before adding, "so why was he here in the first place?" my eyes were fixed on my hands that were fiddling with nothing but themselves. The bed was at an angle so I was slightly sitting up.  Out of the corner of my eye i saw my wife getting more and more annoyed with the questions about Frank, it seemed to be the main topic of our recent arguments but I needed answers. I had an idea of what he was going to say but I couldn't quite remember...

"He...he was trying to get in contact with you for ages, so was I, but you wouldn't pick up your goddamn phone. So he went home after touring with Lyn-z and had a huge argument with Jamia so he came to california to see you but...er...by the time he got to your house you had um... Yeah." he waved his right hand in a circle and shrugged in place of the missing words. "He found you and called the ambulance, if it wasn't for him you would've... You wouldn't... I couldn't..." 

"Oh. Why did he come to my hou-" I didn't get to finish my sentence. 

"Oh for fucks SAKE Gerard! Who cares?! Yes, I'm so grateful that Frank found you and helped, but he's not even here and you're STILL talking about him!! You've been awake for hours now and you haven't said one word to me! No explanation or anything for what you did! What about your daughter, huh Gerard?! Do you have any idea how selfish you've been?! What if she was the one to have found you, dead, in the bathroom?! She would've been scarred for life!"

"I'm sorry-"

"What is it with you and Frank?! All you ever talk about is him! Are you having an affair with him or something?!"

"Of course not I-"

"Do you want to be?!"

Yes...

"No! I- I love you..."

"You don't sound too fucking sure about that one Gerard!"

"Okay Lyn-z that's enough, okay? He's just woken up from a fucking coma, lay off for a while!" Thank God for Mikey. 

"You can fuck off MikeyWay, you're no fucking better! Cheating on Alicia like that!" 

The whole room went absolutely silent apart from the beeping and the quiet hum of the machines. Lyn-zs face relaxed and she sighed. 

"How long...?" I raised an eyebrow. 

"How long. Have you been feeling like this?" The question was said with a bitter edge in the tone in her voice. 

"A while...it mainly got worse when the band broke up... You weren't there and I had no one, my brother was getting his own life sorted. One of my best friends hardly talks to anyone recently, never-mind us. And the other one lives across the country and hates me for destroying his whole world. I had... have nothing."

"That's all I needed to know. You will always have me Gerard."

She lent forward over the rails on the bed, and kissed me, long and sweet. It was closed mouthed and innocent. Her faded red lipstick still slightly sticky under my own chapped lips and she ran her hand over the stubble on my cheek. 

You know those fireworks you feel in the pit of your stomach every time you kiss, even touch the love of your life? The flutter that runs from the tips of your toes to your fingertips and back again? The utter magic in the air around you that contains no one but yourself and that person?

I felt none of that. Absolutely nothing as she pulled away with a smirk on her face and a swing in her hips as she walked out of the small room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've probably got the whole waking up out of the coma thing wrong and I am so so sorry but thankfully I have never been in that situation so I don't really know. But if any of you want me to change something or even rewrite it, I will. I did do some research and it said that the patient would be confused and possibly aggressive after they wake up so I tried to fit that in? I really don't know but as I said, if you want me to change anything i will :)
> 
> Just to clear things up - Gerard doesn't remember the conversations that he could hear while he was asleep, he just has a sort of idea about them if you know what I mean?
> 
> Okay? Thanks again for reading! you guys are awesome!


	12. Returning

Franks POV 

I hesitated before opening the door, my sweaty palm resting on the door handle. What the fuck was I doing here anyway?! When had I started to let Jamia control my life? We never let either of us control the others lives as far as I can remember... 

I guess we just agreed on everything before. Recently though, it's all been arguments. I can't handle this much longer...

I winced as I slowly opened the door and was greeted by nine dogs, two (very sticky and covered in paint) kids, and the sound of my wifes screams and shouts about my whereabouts over the last few days. 

"Oh well isn't it a fucking pleasure to see you again! Nice of you to show up and visit your kids again Frank!" she was holding Miles in her arms who was wearing a rather adorable red onesie. 

"What the fuck now Jamia?! I did what you asked, I got out! And then, I did what you asked again! I fucking came back! What do you fucking want from me?!"

"I meant leave for a few hours, NOT FUCK OFF TO CALI-FUCKING-FORNIA!!" Both of our voices were gradually raising and I looked down to see the scared and confused faces of Cherry and Lily. I knelt down to address the girls properly, shooting a glare at Jamia who was standing about a metre behind them. 

"Hey guys, Mommy and I are just having a bit of a loud conversation so I want you to go to your room so I can protect your little ears" I smiled as sweetly as I could and wiggled Lilys left earlobe in between my thumb and finger. She giggled and I stood up, walked over to my wife and took mikes into my arms. 

"And where do you think you're going with him?!"

"I'm putting him to bed, Jamia! Or aren't I allowed to look after my own son anymore?!" It was late at night and I could see that Jamia just let them stay up to greet me.

The girls had run off to their room and I walked slowly down the hall after them, but instead of going in their room, chose the one next door instead. 

"Oh! It's nice for you to give a shit about them now Frank! After-all, you did just leave them with me for a fucking week without me knowing where you are or what, or should I say who, you were doing!!" I quickly put Miles in his cot and left the room before continuing the argument, I don't want him picking any of this up if I can help it. 

"For fucks sake Jamia that was low!" my voice was calmer now but filled with just as much, if not more, venom. "You fucking know I was with Gerard!"

"Exactly! How do I know you weren't fucking Gerard while you were there huh?! How do I know you didn't fuck him straight though the mattress?! Oh I bet you loved it Frank! I always knew you did have a thing for him! That thing you had on stage wasn't just for the homophobes! What about that time you were caught snogging back stage aswe-" Alright, I had fucking had enough now. 

"HE WAS IN FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH!" Jamia instantly shut up and her facial expression changed completely from one of hatred and bitterness to one of confusion and I-just-got-put-back-in-my-box. "AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHY JAMIA?! DO YA?! HE TRIED TO FUCKING K-KILL HIMSELF. OKAY?! THAT A GOOD ENOUGH EXPLANATION FOR YOU?! HE TRIED TO FUCKING DIE JAMIA AND I FOUND HIM, SLUMPED UP AGAINST HIS BATHROOM FUCKING WALL WITH DEEP ASS C-CUTS UP HIS ARMS. I WAS THE ONE WHO FOUND HIM, I WAS THE ONE WHO CALLED THE AMBULANCE. SO FUCK YOU JAMIA. FUCK. YOU." My speech caught multiple times during that but I needed to get it out. 

And damn, did it feel good to shut her up. Her chin was nearly on the floor and she froze on the spot, hands down by her sides and her eyes wider than I've ever seen them. 

"What?!" Her voice was panicked. 

"He. He tried to kill himself, I found him in his bathroom covered in blood..."

"I- I don't know what to say Frank..." She looked down like a reprimanded child. In fact, she was behaving worse than our children ever had before. 

"Well, maybe you shouldn't fucking say anything at all then." I spat back at her and turned away. We both silently agreed to go into the lounge and I sat on the arm of the couch while she sat, bolt upright with her legs pressed firmly together and a shocked expression on her face, on the matching recliner chair. 

"I thought he was better..."

"So did I."

"How is he?" She genuinely looked worried for once. 

"Still in the medicated coma as far as I know, but I don't know much because I'm here instead if there, by his bedside."

"Maybe you should go back..." Her gaze was lost in the blank TV screen instead of my eye which was irritating. 

"No. You want me here then I'll stay here. You're the most important person in this anyway aren't you?!" I said that last sentence with a hint of sarcasm which she either ignored or didn't notice. 

"Look Frank, I'm...sorry. I really am. I shouldn't assume like that."

"Whatever Jamia. You don't give a shit anyway."

"Yes. I fucking do give a shit. You know I do." I rolled my eyes in dismissal and I saw that she bit the inside of he mouth as her left cheek caved in slightly. It was as if she was trying to stop herself from saying something. I could see it in her eyes that she did in fact want to say something, clearly resistance was futile. 

"You shouldn't have been in LA anyway..." her voice was quiet and unsure but loud enough for me to hear every word. 

"You know what Jamia?" my voice was calm, much to my own surprise. "Fuck you. Fuck. You." I got up to leave, I swear I was out of there and back to California already in my own mind but she grabbed my arm. We were in the hall before she spun me around and forced me to listen. 

"Frank, I said I was sorry! You can't deny the fact that you weren't meant to be there! Gerards clearly got his own shit going on right now and you don't need that, do you?!" As stupid as it sounded, it did make a slight amount of sense...

But the deeper I dug, the more I realised I wanted to go and help Gerard and I'm sure he would help me with my problems to. Geez I could talk to that man for hours, no matter what we were talking about, I would always feel a million times better. He always made me feel better. 

"What are you guys arguing about?" Lily appeared around the corner of her bedroom door, it was late at night now and I thought she was sleeping. A feeling of guilt shot through me as I had probably kept all three of our kids up with the shouting. 

Her eyes were red like they are when she had been crying, there were still tears in her eyes. She always cries when Jamia and I argue. 

She's been crying a lot recently. 

"K-kiss 'nd make up... I don't like it when my mommy 'nd daddy are sad with each other." Her voice was so cute... I don't ever want her to grow up...

"I am sorry Frank..." I sighed and rolled my eyes. Thankfully Lily doesn't really know what that means yet. 

It was awkward and forced but, I placed my hands around her waist, closed my eyes, and brought my lips forward to meet hers. She swung her hands around my shoulders and rested them on my shoulder blades. The kiss was sweet and almost like I was young again, kissing people I thought I felt something for but really I had no idea. 

That was the thing though. There wasn't anything. Before there was something, I felt fireworks and butterflies and tiny explosions running though my veins. 

Not this time. 

Not the last time either. 

In fact, I haven't felt anything or a while. 

Why haven't I noticed this before now?

When was the last time I felt something for my wife?


	13. Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so late guys! Really! It's just that my phone broke so the work was lost and I had to rewrite it and school and surprise exams! (yay for those) it's all been all over the place ya'know? Just eughh.   
> Anyway, mikeys point of view was surprisingly hard to write. I kinda had to make it exciting but keep mikeys quietness about him? I hope I succeeded. Probably haven't but this was more of a filler chapter if you know what I mean.   
> Hope u like it!! x

Mikeys POV

He's getting back to the way he was before the band. 

It's been five days since Gerard woke up and something's changed since I last spent time with him (granted, that was a while a go) long enough to notice anything. 

He's still not explained why he did it, he just avoids the conversation or changes it as soon as anyone brings it up. I understand that he doesn't want to talk about it, but he needs to. Once again, my brother needs actual help but he refuses to believe it. Wasn't he the one who screamed over a field of thousands of kids that it okay to need help and they should accept it? 

Mostly Gerard just sleeps. The doctor said it's okay so I don't pester him about it, but I am getting worried, the quietness and tiredness of his daily routine isn't getting any better even-though they're lowering the medication so he can leave tomorrow. It's all signs, right?

I think he dreams about Frank. Sometimes he says his name is his sleep without realising. All different ways of saying it as well, it goes from deep groans to practically screams and screeches. The groans have tended to freak Lyn-z out but I've tried to reassure her with the fact that it's probably nothing and it's just a dream about the band. I've said that he does it with rays and my name too, while she was sleeping but I don't think she bought it. 

To be honest, I don't want to hear it either. 

I dont understand him much anymore. When he was getting bad again in 2010 he even spoke to me and we managed to get it sorted out. 

He helped me and I helped him. 

Even in '04 he eventually spoke to me, I have a feeling this might be worse though... Back then he had the band to distract him, he doesn't even have that anymore. Gerard doesn't even speak to Lyn-z much anymore, not even eye contact. There are short, forced conversations and I can see it's not Lyn-zs fault. She's trying her best but Gerard can barely acknowledge her existence. It's like he's hiding something. He doesn't talk to me a lot either. Mainly it's just requests like 'can you pass me that' or 'what time is it'. It's sad watching him deteriorate like this again. 

We've managed to get him some stuff to entertain himself, rather than just lying there, staring blankly at the ceiling like he did for the first two days (our first attempt to get him to talk, give him nothing else to actually do). Right now he's reading a batman comic book with earphones in. The music is loud even for him and it's not making his hearing problem any better. 'Jed' is sitting there, discarded along with a pile of papers and art supplies on the wheely table designed for meals. 

Yes. He named his hearing aid Jed. 

He seems to be using twitter a lot recently too, at least he's socialising with some people, even if it's not in real life. I do check on him occasionally and the only way I can do that, as he refuses to talk, is by going on his profile. Over the last few days he's been doing an art competition for people to draw his picture that was taken weeks ago. The blonde hair is beginning to grow out and you can see long, dark roots underneath. 

It seems like no one knows he's in hospital yet, as there are no cyber well wishes or fans at the door. I don't think they will fin out either as we have bribed the nurses and no one has said anything over the Internet. Very few of the nurses were fans anyway so it didn't take much. 

He's going home tomorrow anyway and Lyn-z is getting ready to go back on tour later on this evening. She told Gerard a few hours a go and only got a grunt in reply. 

He's so polite sometimes. 

She ended the conversation with a loud sigh and went back to whatever book she was reading. 

I guess I'll have to look after him for a while, the doctors said he couldn't be on his own until things get better. Basically he's on suicide watch but when I told the doctor that he replied with Gerard's favourite response recently. A grunt. Lovely. 

I don't know what we're gonna do with him when I have to go back to work with my band, we're right in the middle of doing something and it's just come to a stand-still since this all kicked off. I don't know what I'm gonna do with him, I'm thinking about just taking him back to jersey to stay with our mom. There's not much else we can do. 

My phone starts rigging at that thought and Gerard turns to look at me with one eyebrow raised. It's his 'I can hear that through my earphones so it's too damn loud' look. I leave it for a few seconds just to piss him off for a little longer. 

"Mikey? It's Frank. I've left Jamia, the kids think I'm going away with deathspells and I need somewhere to crash."


	14. Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!

Gerard's POV 

Everyone's trying to get me to talk. I don't want to talk. Why should I talk? Most of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is crap anyway. I need to 'try and talk about my feelings'. I don't fucking want to though. Everyone else has their own shit without being laboured with mine as well. Feelings are bullshit anyway. Why do humans even have feelings. They don't fucking help they just make you fucking magnetised to your best friend who's also happily-fucking-married. Great. 

Mikey's cell phone is far too loud and obnoxious. The batman theme tune is super cool though. 

"Who is it?" I asked a few seconds after the ringing stopped. 

"Mikey." He quietened me with his index finger in front of my face. So I answered with a glare. 

"Michael. Who is it?" He shot me a dirty look back.

"Don't you look at me like that little brother, you know you're never gonna win. Now who is it?"

"It's frank okay?! Shut up!" That did shut me up. Why the hell is frank calling here?! I held my hand out, silently asking for the phone. However, silent didn't work. 

"Mikey! Give me the phone! I want to talk to him!!" I reached up over the rail and tried to get the phone from him manually. He leaned away from me but I still managed to grab the phone and yank it away from his hands. He just glared and straightened out his glasses. 

"GERARD?!" Mikey yelled at me as I straightened myself out on the bed. 

"Frank...?"

"G- Gerard is that you?"

I nodded even though he clearly couldn't see me. "Mhmm." What the hell was this lump in my throat?!

"Gerard, I've er, I'm leaving Jamia... I'm in the middle of packing now..." What? Frank... Leaving Jamia... He can't be... Doesn't make sense. 

I think I dropped the phone after a few seconds of stunned silence as the next thing I knew, Mikey was picking up the phone from on top of the thin hospital blanket. 

"Frank? Mikey again. What the hell did you say to him? He's just frozen." He glanced over at me suspiciously. 

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. Frank's leaving Jamia. 

Mikey's expression changed multiple times during the long phone call in the corner of my eye. He had been looking at me the entire time but I had just been staring at the small dark spot on the wall at the end of the room. 

The phone call ended and Mikey slipped the phone back into his pocket, reached over, grabbed one of my comics and began flicking through it. I knew he wasn't actually reading it, the pages were turning too fast even for him. 

"I didn't know you cared about Jamia so much."

It was only then that I thought about how silent the room has been. Inside my head had been loud and messy to distract me but outside was completely still. 

"I... I don't." That didn't even convince myself never mind my brother. He could tell when I was lying before I even knew it myself. I didn't stand a chance. He could see right through me like I was made of cellophane. All he did was raise an eyebrow. 

"I mean, I do care about her. Jamia's awesome but... I don't know. I just-"

"It's not about Jamia at all is it?"

"No." He sighed. 

"Who's it about Gerard?" He knew exactly who it was about. Might as well come clean. 

"Frank." 

"Ger-" 

"I just want him to be happy okay? It was just so sudden!" 

"Gerard. What the actual FUCK is going on with Frank?! Every time you sleep you fucking say his name over and over. It fucking gets creepy too when it turns into moans!!" Oh, fuck. I had been hoping I wasn't doing that. I felt my face burn up. Probably not the most convincing defence strategy right now. 

"Let me just remind you that your wife slept in this room too, she has to leave tonight because she can't fucking take it anymore! I have to convince her that it isn't what it sounds like but I have a hard time believing myself!"

"I-" 

He sighed and his voice went all soft and tired. "Gerard... Just tell me what's going on..." I remained silent. 

"Fine. Don't tell me. But Frank's coming to stay with you while Lyn-z's on tour and I'm pretty sure he'll be able to get it out of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, sorry if the chapters are getting really bad and cheesy... I will improve I promise.


	15. Staying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! It's been sooo long omg I'm sorry! I'm getting back on track now though, got a few chapters planned now so yeah probably gonna go back to one a week :)

Gerard's POV

It feels so good to be home again. In my own bed with a mattress thicker than a sheet of cardboard and a quilt heavier than tissue paper. With my office with all my art stuff rather than a takeaway box of coloured pens that were randomly put together and a couple of Biro pens. A tv with more than 4 channels. And Frank. 

I didn't realise how much I had missed him after the band breaking up. I'm so much happier with him around now, more good days than bad. The doctor says the pills must be working but I've refused to take them, definitely not going down that route again. Frank understands though, so he doesn't make me take them like he does the other ones. Frank always understands though. I don't know how he does it, puts up with me and my bullshit. I guess he has to at the moment, he's been staying at the house while Lyn-z's away and he doesn't have anywhere else after Jamia. I still haven't got an explanation for that but I don't bug him or anything, he usually just shrugs and says he doesn't love her anymore, sometimes making references to MCRs song with a hint of a smirk on his face and changes the subject shortly afterwards. It's a win-win situation I guess, him without a place to stay and me needing someone to stay with. 

Frank still feels guilty about sticking around for so long though so he's basically running around all over the place trying to make sure everything's perfect. Part of me I saying it's a distraction from Jamia as well but I never bring it up. 

His cooking skills have improved a lot since the last tour, thank god. He manages not to burn ninety percent of what he cooks now. I think he's making vegetable soup at the moment. That's the only down point, everything is vegetarian. I've been thinking about giving up meat anyway. I've tweeted that I'm being vegetarian and everyone seems to be really nice about it, like they were with the smoking. Frank keeps telling me that the vegetables are good for me and that "while I'm around, you'll be eating a lot more" with a smile on his face. He's always smiling now. He has an amazing smile. 

He's so sweet. Just the way he's taking care of me like this whereas all I did when the band broke up was just cut him out...

I can hear him singing badly along to one of Fall out boys new songs in the kitchen. I know he's only doung it. To make me laugh as he comes in to the room, still singing, grinning with a tray in his hands. 

"Ta da! Veggie soup. Probably tastes like shit but you're no Gordon Ramsey either. Now sit up." He placed the tray on my lap when I noticed he only had one bowl. 

"Where's yours?" He switched the TV on and climbed into the nest of blankets and quilts on the floor next to the bed where he's slept. 

"It's okay, I already ate earlier. We uh need some more baked beans." He flicks through the channels and I roll my eyes and look down at the burrito style mound on the floor. 

"You know there's a bed in the room next door, it can't be very comfortable down there."

"You said that night time was the worst for you right? That your mind starts playing tricks on you?"

"Yeah but-"

"Then I'm not leaving you alone at night. I want to be here for you Gee."

There was a long pause and a thought slipped into my head and out of my mouth without permission. "Well what about this bed? It's huge, plenty of room." Shit. Frank looks up at me with a raised eyebrow. Fuck it's adorable when he does that. 

"You sure?"

"Er yeah! It'll be like a sleepover" Ohmygod I am a thirteen year old girl. He smirks up at me and climbs in under the covers. 

We stay up super late that night and watch a load of cheesy horror films that we've both seen millions of times on the tour bus. It must've been nearly dawn before we both fall asleep. 

\---

I nuzzled into Lyn-z's neck sleepily and sighed. I love waking up holding someone like this. I feel like I'm protecting them, our bodies fitting together perfectly with my arms around her waist. She must've gotten a new perfume even though I haven't noticed a different bottle on the shelf. 

The sun beams in through the window and forces me to wake up from the daze halfway between sleep and awake. 

"Morning..."

My eyes open slowly to see that it isn't my wife I am holding, it's Frank. I feel him shift on the bed and quickly jump away from him and stumble to stop myself from fully falling out of the bed. His head whips round and his eyes are wide.

My face must be the temperature of the surface of the sun and I am sure I am blushing more than I ever thought was humanly possible as I try and get words out but someone must've severed a chord or something in my brain. Any sentence will do right now just. Say. Something. 

"Frank I er- I'm- I I'm gonna go to the bathroom" Well done idiot.


	16. Another note (sorry)

I'm really sorry I haven't updated this in a while (I hope I haven't lost too many of you) I just really wanna get this perfect and bluddy writers block Eugh (It's happened with my art work too which is putting me behind in my GCSE so my art teachers getting pissed which means no time for writing GAH) So I'm just gonna relax a bit about it for now (go on a writing hiatus?) see if that works. I should be back in a few weeks though. 

Again I'm really truly sorry but just letting you know I'm still thinking of you guys. Bye for now xx


	17. Apologising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [a small red envelope flies out of a pile of blankets with a chapter and a note inside] IM SO SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG PLEASE FORGIVE ME I LOVE YOU ALL I PROMISE NOT TO DO THAT AGAIN! I WAS GONNA WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS TO SEND THIS BUT I COULDN'T PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Franks POV

The sun streams in through the window and the stupidly thin curtains and I squint until my eyes adjust so I can actually see rather than being blinded. 

The next thing I notice is a ring of arms snaking around my waist attached to the body pressed up against my back in a spooning position. I smile and press back against him once I realise that it's Gerard's breath on my cheek and his legs tangled in mine. 

This has to be the best alarm clock ever. 

He still smells slightly of cigarettes even though he stopped a while a go. Cigarettes and coffee and a little morning breath. Not like horrible morning breath though... Just... Gerard. Purely Gerard. 

My smile gets wider as he shifts slightly so his crotch is pressed up against my ass and he pulls me in closer. 

"Morning..."He shifts again but more this time, more like a stretch, then the steady sound of his breathing stops and before I know it he's jumped out of the bed, steadying himself before he lands flat on the floor. His hand goes round to the back of his head and rubs, hissing. He must've his his head on the wooden shelf. 

He freezes and stares at me, it's about a minute and a half before he talks again. 

"Frank I er- I'm- I I'm gonna go to the bathroom" I've never seen him leave the room so fast. 

I rub my face hard and sigh. I really don't know what to do or think. Walking round the bed and over to the bathroom in breathe slowly and plan out what I should say. A wave of nausea hits me a long with dajavu of when I found him in the same bathroom just a few months a go with blood gushing out of his arms. 

I gagged when I remembered having to clean the floor after we got back from the hospital, Gerard was too sick to do it and he broke down whenever he went in there. He would either freeze completely or stand there sobbing until he came back out. I only asked him to go in there once to get the toothpaste and the spare toothbrush and that was when he froze. The time I found him crying was in the middle of the night, I don't know what had happened or how long he'd been there but it took me what felt like ages to get him out and back into bed again. He held onto me by the back of my t-shirt and weeped into my shoulder while I rubbed his back and held him until he stopped enough to move. 

A crash comes from the bathroom and startles me from the weird trance I was in. "Gerard, are you okay?" Somehow I'm at the door and banging loudly, not really aware of how I got across the bedroom. The door opens slowly and steadily to reveal a dishevelled Gerard with tear stained, red eyes. He's definitely been crying. The shower curtain has been ripped down and all the bottles of shampoo and shower gel have been swept off the shelf and into the tub. His hair is fucked up but that's not much new I guess.

"I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry I didn't mean to- I'm sorry frank shit I'm sorry" his face was bright red. "I thought you were Lindsey I'm sorry, shit I'm sorry..."

"Gerard it's okay! It's fine!"

"NO IT'S NOT! You don't get it! I'm married and you- and I- I can't do this!" He collapsed onto the bed with hi head in his hands, his back was shaking from silent tears. 

"Gerard it really isn't that big a deal... " I put my hand on his shoulder but he flinches away. "I'm gonna go and get coffee okay? The cafe is only around the corner, I'll only be a a few minutes. Calm yourself down and if you wanna talk about it when I get back that's fine but if not that's okay too. Okay?" He nods sniffing and looks up at me through his hair. "I'll see you soon"

I grab my coat on the way out the door and lock it behind me.


	18. Drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello again

Gerard's POV

Why am I so stupid?! I don't know what to do... Right now I think I've settled with dragging my hands through my hair with nearly enough force to yank it all out. 

I honestly did think it was Lindsey! I promise! The only thing is, after I did find out it was Frank, I hesitated. I didn't want to let him go. Which sounds so stupid and soppy but I can't help it. I wanted to stay like that. 

Oh fuck I'm shaking, I really need a fucking drink. Just to calm me down right? It's just one. It's not gonna do any harm. I know where Lindsey keeps the fancy bottle of whiskey. Back of the bottom cupboard behind the flavour of cereal that I don't like. She obviously doesn't know I know about it though. It was a birthday gift from a friend who either didn't know about my past or didn't care. Probably the latter. 

The bottle is all cut glass into a pretty pattern. It's one of those fancy ones that taste exactly the same but about twice as expensive just because of the bottle. I'm pretty sure the friend didn't buy it though. It probably 'fell' out the back of a truck of ya'know what I mean. Not really my problem though. 

One glass won't hurt though. I'll keep telling myself that anyway. It won't. I know it won't. I'll know hen to stop. It will stop the shaking anyway, I'll be able to think properly by the time Frank comes back. I can't really think of any down side to it as I roll out of bed and walk through the house. 

The tiles on the floor are fucking freezing as I stumble into the kitchen, hopping from foot to foot trying to keep warm. That is until the chair legs in the way and I stub my little toe. Why is it alway the little toe? Seriously that thing is only there to cause pain. 

I'm still shaking as I bend down towards the cupboard. So many people are gonna be so ashamed of me if they find out. Especially Frank. Oh god Frank. 

We only have three boxes of cereal in the house. The over sugary one, that bandit has on the weekends as a treat. The one with the cartoon Dracula on the front, because come on, that's just awesome. And Lindsey's favourite, the one that I don't like. It has dried pieces of fruit in it with these weird oaty things. I move them all over to the side and reach for the bottle, pulling it out and running my thumb along the patterns. 

There's a small glass on the draining rack so Frank must've washed up while I was in bed yesterday. I pour a little bit out into the glass and decide it's not enough, filling the glass until it's half full. 

The deep breath calms me as the liquid burns the back of my throat. It's a good kind of burn though. After all these years I remember why I used to do it. The satisfying sting as it makes its way. I've done it. The entire glass down in one. Without ice. I learned the ice just weaked the taste without adding much to it. 

I pour myself another glass and swallow it quickly as I hear the click of the door opening. Wincing at the taste, my hands are still shaking, although I think this is more from fear as I shove the bottle and the cereal back into the cupboard as fast as I could. 

"Gerard!" The door shuts and there's a rustling of carrier bags. 

I've put one of the cereal boxes in wrong and it didn't fit as well as it did before and now the door won't close properly. It finally turns and the door slams shut quick enough for me to stand up, spin around, and put on my most innocent face just before Frank comes in. He has a huge on his face and I feel so guilty. 

He passes a coffee over to me and starts rambling on about the shops but all I can think about how cold his hands are despite the autumn weather. I wonder where his skeleton gloves went. 

"So this guy in the store says I look like this singer of a band! Can you believe that? I just said I get that a lot. And then in the gas station there was this really awesome lighter and I was taking a picture of it and the dude was like, 'you can't take pictures of the merchandise in here' so I did and then legged it outta there!" He was laughing and joking around but all of a sudden he stopped and looked at me. The atmosphere changed immediately. 

There were a few seconds of silence before he stepped slowly towards me. My heart started beating faster and faster and multiple different thoughts went through my mind, the main one being 'oh god, he's gonna kiss me, he's finally gonna kiss me' and then felt guilty as I remembered Lindsey. He stopped almost toe to toe with me and leant forward slightly, 'this is it he's gonna kiss me'. Stupidly, the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth was exactly what did. "Can I smell alcohol?" My eyes went wide and I quickly blurted out, "No!". He looked me up and down suspiciously and quirks his eyebrow again. I'm leant back against the counter with by hands squeezing the edge of it tight as he leans over me and smirks. 

"Good. I hope not, remember that time I caught you with the NyQuil?" He says and edges away, continuing to pack the groceries away.   
"You punched me!"

"You deserved it!"

"I was sick!

"Barely! You had a cold. Talk to me when you have pneumonia four times in one year." He grins and carries on. I know he doesn't believe me about the alcohol, I just need to act as normally as possible, I guess. 

I shouldn't have done it. It's did take the edge away though, and it tasted so good. It burned but it was such a good burn. I do feel guilty though, mainly about lying to frank.


	19. Suspecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. School sucks.

Franks POV 

He was drinking wasn't he? I sigh out loud and put the rest of the stuff into the cupboards. I don't know what I'm gonna do with him. I don't think Id be able to do the whole drink and drugs thing again. I would but I don't know if I could. 

I want to confront him, ask him where he got it and where's the rest. But what if he wasn't drinking? What if it was just my imagination... I really do to want to falsely accuse him or anything. Where would he get it from? Everyone within walking distance knows Gerard and wouldn't sell him any and he's not driven for ages. I'll have a look around when he's asleep. 

He's slowly making his way out of the kitchen when I call him back. "Hey Gerard?" 

"Yeah Frankie?" I smirk a little bit at the nickname, momentarily forgetting what I was doing. 

"What are you doing up anyway?" He nervously shifts from foot to foot. 

"'M thirsty" I quirk an eyebrow but he just looks at me all innocent and sweet. He must've done it for a reason...

"Go back to bed I'll get you water"

"I am feeling a lot better ya'know... I don't need to be in bed all the time" i glance at him and almost whimper at his body language. He's hunched over leaning against the door frame with one hand holding the other arm. His face is so overly innocent, it reminds me of a puppy who just been scolded for shitting on the rug. He's looking at me through his fringe that's nearly covering his eyes now. 

"I don't want you to push yourself if you don't feel up to it"

"I'm fine Frank. Stop worrying so much." With that he turns around and walks into the lounge next door, leaving both the doors wide open. 

I sigh and leave the conversation until later, there's no point causing extra stress. Although I am fucking pissed at him for doing it. I know he does drink occasionally now, and that's okay but lying about it?! That's not right. He shouldn't even have to hide it from me! I admit I would be a bit skeptical about him drinking at 1pm but I wouldn't stop him. He's doing it because of what happened earlier. Why is he that fussed about it though? It was an accident and we were just spooning... 

I get him his drink of water (turning the tap on too fast and soaking my shirt) and carry it through to the lounge for him where I find him, sprawled out on the leather couch watching some cartoon on the TV. 

He glances at me once and then again, his gaze stuck to the wet patch on my shirt where the water has made it cling to my skin, with his mouth open slightly. The noise of me putting the glass down on the table seems to startle him and he looks back up at me. A small twitch runs through him and he try's to cover it up and mutters a thanks. Weird. 

"I've been thinking about moving" 

"Really? Where to?"

"Yeah I don't quite know where to yet but I have seen a few places. I gotta talk to Lindsey first though I guess"

"Why?" How long has he been thinking about this? My heart almost bursts out of my chest and I try to stop the grin from spreading on my face when I realise that he might be moving back to Jersey. He might be moving back to Jersey! I could see him, and the kids! 

"Er memories, I guess. I wanna be able to go into my own bathroom without having flashbacks man." 

"Oh yeah, shit, sure. I can help if you want?" There's an inappropriate smile on my face which I can't stop and he's looking at me in that cute way he does with his eyebrow raised and his mouth quirked at the corner. 

"That would be great, thanks Frankie"

His smile is even sweeter.


End file.
